I was watching an episode of Julia. Julia Child was giving a cooking class to a group of young women in order to pay for episodes of her new televised cooking class, the first of its kind in 1963 public television. After the class a young woman thanked her with tearful eyes, she explained her mother had just died and being in Julia Childs’ class made her feel, “Like her old self again!” Experiencing grief may make you look at a mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you.

“Experiencing grief may make you look at the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you.“

MSJ

You may see yourself reappear every once in a while. At a dinner with friends, at a party, or during a conversation with friends and family. There are other moments when you isolate, don’t feel social at all, and unable to communicate. You turn down invites to events, places, and activities you would not think twice about attending prior to your loss and grief. It is so much easier to say no, then to drag yourself to get ready, smile, and perform like everything is ok. Its easier to avoid the awkward conversations and questions like, ” how are you?” Do you really want me to answer that truthfully? Do you really want to know what I’ve been going through? So you smile and say the generic, ” Im fine.”

I remember going to dinner with friends after my miscarriage, barely putting myself together and showing up to dinner sensing my friends talked about me before I arrived. I could see concern written all over their faces but they were smiling at the same time. I knew I was not my normally highly social self. And I didn’t know when she’d come back. Its during those times when I’d avoid talking about how I really felt, mainly because I was trying to remain strong. I felt like I should be over “this.” Not understanding these feelings were part of the normal stages of grief. I did not know I needed support from friends and family. I believed burying my feelings would help but it only kept me back. They needed to hear how much I loved my baby who was taken away from me too soon.

Little by little I saw signs of the old me. Her smile, her laughter, charisma, and I started to see more of her that didn’t feel forced. It was an engine I was revving during each social interaction . Eventually saying no to my couch or bed and yes to the outdoors and activities.

How to Move out of the Darkness:

• Talk- Don’t keep your feelings inside.
• Stop replaying negative talk in your mind.
• Find someone trustworthy to talk to.
• Write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal.
• Tell your story when you are ready.

You can heal…let’s connect!