What are you waiting for?

Secondary infertility isn’t really spoken about much. No one thinks its going to happen to them. You have your first and your filled with awe and joy of what the Lord has done. The first doctors app, pregnancy test, ultrasound. It’s a whirlwind of firsts. So many smiles, comments, and advice thrown your way. Your baby shower, the baby’s going home outfit, nick names, fears of delivery, but joys of caring for your little one. It isn’t until time passes after the first, that you start to worry you may never experience pregnancy again. Today, a church member asked me, “What are you waiting for?” I asked her, “what do you mean?” Even though I knew exactly what she meant. The night before while at dinner the bartender asked, “when are you due!” sigh. “I am not pregnant.” I kindly answered. Next sentence, “well, what are you waiting for!” sigh. People have no idea how long you’ve yearned for another child, how hard you’ve tried. How long you’ve tried. How devastated you are when you take pregnancy test after pregnancy test, because you thought this may be it. The doctor’s appointments, hospitalizations, surgeries, needs sticks, labs, illness, and energy spent trying. But, they continue to ask “what are you waiting for?” If only I could tell you, I am tired of waiting. I wish I didn’t need to wait.

So, I kindly told the church member, “It isn’t easy for me to get pregnant.” “Oh ok.”she said, “I thought you were preventing it.” She did go on to say, not to give up and in due time. The bartender nudged my husband and told him ” Get to work, so you can have the little girl.” Its like you let off this hesitant laugh, knowing you just cried your eyes out all week after finding out you weren’t pregnant. No one has a clue how much you want to carry a child. It destroys your week, your hope, your faith. It takes away your smile. But, you pick yourself up, just like you did last month. And you press on, you push, you get up. The bible says, “Those who sow in tears, will reap in song of joy.” Psalm 126. I hold this verse near to my heart. I believe what it says. To any of you struggling with secondary infertility or infertility at all. You will reap in songs of joy. Believe for it.

How to Wait?

• Make a list of verses related to waiting and miracles
• Read them daily
• Dream
• Write a list of the things God has done and believe he can do it again
• Praise ( Great song Cain-Im so Blessed)
• Find purpose to your pain
• Help someone
• Give
• Breathe, you will get through this.